Any car owner knows that throughout the years their vehicle will need maintenance. When a car doesn’t run as smoothly as before – having little sputters here and there – it’s time for a tune-up.
Just like vehicles, relationships can show wear and tear over the years. In fact, every marriage has its ups and downs – it’s little sputters. And every marriage mate will, at times, get into a rut or fall into patterns that create problems. Maintenance and readjustments are vital!
What about your marriage? Is it perhaps overdue for a tune-up?
Couples counseling can help. It’s not just for marriages that are in big trouble. It’s a healthy form of relationship upkeep.
But how do you know that it’s time to seek help?
Signs That You Need Marriage Therapy
1) When You No Longer Feel Like a Team
Marriage is never just about one person. You are a team. If the team has problems, the marriage has problems.
- You live separate lives – You’ve become more like roommates, spending a lot of time apart and not minding it. You get more emotional support from outside your relationship, and you feel unheard or disrespected by your mate.
- You don’t present a united front in parenting – You disagree with each others’ parenting styles and constantly argue about how to raise your children.
- You think you’d be happy if only your mate would change – You feel like you’re on different sides; like your spouse is your adversary.
- You feel unhappy with yourself – You’ve made all the problems in your marriage your own issue rather than working as allies to fix them.
2) When Affection is Lacking
Love is the glue that holds your marriage together. When it’s missing, things can fall apart.
- You no longer desire intimacy – You no longer want to impress your mate or get their attention. You have no desire to have a connection or be close.
- You think romance is a hassle – You don’t display your affection anymore. You don’t send each other a sweet text, go on dinner dates, or even greet each other sharing a kiss.
- You’re unhappy with your sex life – You feel more attracted to others than to your spouse. You might have even thought about cheating.
3) When You Have Challenges With Communication
Without communication, there cannot be any understanding.
- You don’t talk, you’re afraid to talk, or your talk is always negative – You’re incapable of talking about problems without it getting out of hand. You ignore or disregard each others’ opinions, or you might judge or shame your partner.
- You keep secrets from each other – Of course, everybody has a right to privacy. But you keep each other in the dark about things your partner has a right and need to know.
4) When You Have the Same Arguments Over and Over
A deeply tormenting problem can cause many years of trouble down the road.
- You have unresolved issues over broken trust – You have consistent fights over small things. It’s because you haven’t investigated and addressed the root cause.
- You make everything about money – You have disagreements on how money should be spent. You keep your spouse in the dark or feel the need to control everything related to money.
5) When You Go Through Stressful Changes
Stress doesn’t just happen after a monumental transition but also before.
- You’re facing stressful changes – You’re expecting a new baby. Or you may be dealing with a long-distance relationship due to your spouse’s new work assignment.
- You’ve experienced a traumatic event – You had a death in the family, possibly even lost a child. Or one of you had an affair and you cannot seem to forgive or forget it.