“I bought her chocolates, flowers, and even diamonds. But nothing seemed to bring us closer together.”
Maybe that’s because those tangible things are not necessarily the best way to build a strong connection with your partner.
Not that it hurts to get gifts, enjoy a special dinner, or go on a romantic trip together. But consistent validation of your partner will do more for your relationship than anything you can buy. Share your thoughts, feelings, and desires and really listen to each other. With those things, you create a bond that will make your relationship last.
That almost magical and unbreakable connection is the ultimate benefit!
It is the end result of many other benefits of validating your partner.
Effective Ways of Validating Your Partner
When you leave out the blaming and judging, it encourages your partner to open up and communicate with you. You can help the dialogue along by asking open-ended questions and making supportive comments and gestures.
Listening with full attention and an open mind until your partner is done talking will provide you with all the facts of the situation and their feelings about it. Summarizing what they say will also help you to clarify whether you heard their message correctly.
It’s important to let your partner know that you see why they feel a certain way about an issue. Sometimes you can show them you understand without a word. Give them a hug, provide some physical nourishment, or simply allow them space to mull things over.
Nurture Love and Intimacy.
When you focus on your partner’s thoughts, not your own, you show that you truly care and want to listen to them. This sincere and unselfish interest can be very gratifying to your mate. It will also result in a much deeper connection.
Be sensitive to your partner’s feelings and thoughts, even when it seems odd that they’re upset over a certain issue. When they relate a problem to you, try to consider their background and other relevant factors. Really put yourself in their shoes. Don’t fake it! Be genuine when showing empathy.
You can acknowledge your partner’s feelings without having to share them. You might not agree with what they say, but you can still validate. If they’re upset about something, just allow them space and time to feel upset.
Cultivate Respect and Appreciation.
No matter their race, gender, color, religion, occupation, social standing, or anything else, your partner has value as a person. Let them know – unmistakably – that you admire them and they truly matter to you.
It happens when your partner knows that their feelings matter to you, that they can come to you with anything they need, and that you have genuine goodwill toward them – no matter what.
Reduce Conflict and Anger.
Even when our partner’s frustration and anger might not have a factual reason, emotionally they are valid because they reflect what your mate feels or thinks. Simply acknowledging the validity of their upset and not saying anything else can ease their anger. Though it might be tough to do when it’s you they’re upset with.
Help Manage Emotions.
By labeling emotions, you’re helping your partner sort out what they’re feeling. This might show them they still feel distressed over something that happened a long time ago. The key is to always learn and grow from each situation.
Confirming your partner’s feelings will build up their ability to resolve their own troubles. When they gain insight into their motivations and patterns of behavior they become more confident. This, in turn, can help them approach any problems in a more constructive way.